Catholic Church Condemns Cuties; “Not Enough Little Boys”

“This film is a disgrace because it sexualizes and objectifies young girls. That’s just not something that you do to little girls. You do it to little boys,” the now on leave of absence Father Benjamin said.

Neighborhood Coyotes Request More Vegan Options; Accessibility Features in Your Backyard

Just leave out a salad; I’m tired of eating your beloved pets. Let’s have some variety. Imagine having to eat dogs and cats every day, day in and day out. I’m an American, g*dd**mmit, not some Guangdong Chinese coyote.

First Baby Born with Gills to Survive Southern Humidity

In what has been described as a great, horrific, leap forward for human evolution, local boy Kyle Upshaw has been born with two fully functioning gills, leaving scientists scratching their heads, doctors reaching for the smelling salts, his parents completely indifferent, and sending the priest to the library for an ancient holy water recipe.

Fauci Announces that Santa Isn’t Real; You Were the Reason for Your Parents’ Divorce

Fauci says glass not only half empty, but completely empty, and it was made by child slaves.

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