Mean Bean Enquirer Cypher — Lil Stinker ft. Elkanah

Mean Bean Enquirer is so eager to get new readers, we spent our entire marketing budget hiring these two Hip-Hop Superstars to write our new theme song.

Lil Stinker and OGMCPhD Elkanah are back, and by back, we mean this is their very first appearance…

APA Rules Shower-Fart As a Form of Self-Harm

“Honestly, if you just look at these people who are doing this to themselves, they’re just not mentally well. Why would someone ever fart in the shower? That’s objectively the worst place to fart!” quoted esteemed flatulence researcher and Editor-in-Chief at Farts Weekly, Dr. Hannah Frankenwitz, D.D.S.

This Is Hallobean

I am the one hiding on your plate,
You’ll all run and scream when I sublimate. 👻

I am the one that is good for your heart,
The more you eat, the more you DART! (to a nearby restroom.)

How To Host The Perfect Halloween Party Even Your Grandfather with Dementia Won’t Forget

Serve severed-finger hors d’oeuvres so realistic that your horrified guests scream and ask if they’re real. Then you say, “No, of course not,” and claim they’re disgusting for even thinking such a thing because of course they’re not real, you’re just serving your guests realistic *imitations* of severed fingers, which is totally *not* gross. 🎃

AMC Theatres Reopen Oct. 9 to Bathroom Wall Poopers’ Delight

North Carolina AMC Theatres are scheduled to reopen starting on October 9th, much to the delight of their notorious former bathroom-defiling vandals. “We’re back in business—ankle-deep,” one of the degenerates divulged. “I can’t wait to get in there and make the AMC bathroom look like a qualified disaster zone again.” “I’ve got all kinds ofContinue reading “AMC Theatres Reopen Oct. 9 to Bathroom Wall Poopers’ Delight”

Loading…

Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.

Follow the Mean Bean Enquirer & Times

Get breaking news, broken news, and perfectly fine news delivered directly to your inbox.

Processing… Downloading your secure information and top secret files… Photocopying your driver’s license… Almost there…
Success! You have been phished. MUAHAHAHA